Lately I want to answer that how-are-you question with, “I’m amazing and also I’m hurting, I’m sad and afraid but totally joyful. Can I get back to you in ten minutes and tell you the truth? And hope that you won’t hold me to it, cause it’s impermanent and flowing through a zillion extremes?” Maybe this is only possible in doing a work I find excruciating but also the greatest honor of my life, so I vacillate between this lucky-in-love gratitude for this chance and, at its worst, horror at what I’ve somehow gotten myself into. I can admit that because I’m on my way to being past self judgment in some small way–to just notice that all of these are just thoughts, and that I don’t have to wrap up my identity in them, that they are separate from who I am.
Good mom, bad mom. Maybe some days I can just be a mom. No judgment qualifier. A mom with all the nuance of a person. A person with unquestionable worth–it’s just a fact that we cannot do anything to make ourselves more or less worthwhile. Our worth just IS. Fact. Not negotiable. So I can be a mom. Unglamorous, no drama, mama. And you know what? I think I could learn to like it that way.
(p.s. yes this is jillian goulding and yes she is radiant and the most thoughtful person you’ve ever met and yes her family is adorable and yes to everything you’re thinking. it’s all for real.)
hey sup cool cat. (yah i’m talking to you, i’m lookin atchu!) if you’ve been thinking of a family session with yours truly, i’d love to chat about it. contact me here and i’ll send full pricing and available dates your way in a snap, friend.