I looked around in the internet for you today. for your words, because I miss reading them. It was your words that made me love you, before I knew you all that well in real life.
But I didn’t find you. you haven’t publicly shared your words in a while, although I don’t doubt you’re scribblin away in your journal full of cut-out pictures that inspire you and cool pens with fun colors all screaming out your pizzazz and zest and faith, that wild and carefree way of loving life you have, all wrapped up in the most honest transparency I’ve ever seen.
I’m sure you’re scribblin away because you’re getting married in less than two weeks, and I’m going to be there for it. Making photographs of you and your new man that you will be with forever and ever. And I see the way he cares for you and it makes me ridiculously happy.
But when I knew you deep we were driving together to Claire’s wedding, overflowing with Missy Higgins and trees and trees on every side of us. When I knew you deep we had this really unique relationship–maybe you had it with a lot of people, but you were the only one like that for me. The relationship where we hardly ever talked about the details of things like our grades or I don’t even know what else people small talk about, but we always talked big things. Big things like relationships, our life dreams and we buoyed each other up over greasy grilled cheese more than once and told each other we could do these big things, no problem!
Sometimes I miss knowing you deep, single and unsure and moving through the world intense because we knew there was a whole lot riding on every decision.
When I knew you deep I had faith that I thought was as big as yours. Reading your 2010 words, though, I know you understand a lot of things I don’t. You wrote them in ways that made huge sense, and I wanted to talk to God the way you talked to Him. I wanted to know myself as intricately as you did, understanding as if it were plain as day the perfect way to describe your state of being, and it was always optimistic even if you were afraid.
You give strength with what you have to say.
I want you to know that I want to hear what you have to say, always. Someday, when your words are big and official in a bound book sold at stores I will buy a hundred copies and give them to homeless people instead of a few dollars.
When your words are huge and all over the world I will be the same percent proud that I know someone with such a connection to the Maker of the Universe,
someone so spirited and soulful.
This is who this woman is. And here she is, bustin’ with joy on the day she was married to the most wonderful man.
Can’t wait to share more! But first, off to Houston for this lovely wedding.