Baby Girl wiggles and kicks inside of me every day and it still doesn’t feel real.
That I’m going to be a mom. That I am a mom already. That I’m going to birth a child that will eventually grow up and maybe birth children of her own.
Life is nuts, you guys.
I just want to give this little one the best life in the world. It’s frustrating knowing that I’m going to make mistakes…and possibly/probably big ones, too.
I had none of these issues going into marriage because I’m not in charge of Jared–his happiness or his safety or his development. But this little girl will be all mine to love and protect and nurture and it’s…super scary sometimes.
I’m 26 weeks along with this baby girl. I giggle every night to my husband about snuggling her and watching her sleep and doing all kinds of crazy-obsessed-parent things. I don’t know what her name will be or have a clue what she’ll look like or if she’ll be mad for jazz music and creating like her mama or a sports guru/acoustic guitar master like her daddy. Also I want her to be able to talk to me right away and tell me how she feels about everything so we can have a constant stream of girl talk from the moment she is born.
I wander into her soon-to-be room and touch her teeny tiny clothes and the soft hats with ears on them, the blankets lovingly embroidered by such kind, generous people. Being pregnant is so strange–I’ve never been more on-the-verge and thrilled and excited and unsure and simultaneously so very sure that this is the best thing to ever happen to me besides marrying the love of my life.
I feel for the many women who don’t get to live the dream I’m living, worries and all.
I have so much tenderness for families and women who struggle to conceive or aren’t married and wish so badly to start a family. There have been times when I’ve felt guilty that it was so easy for me–I kept waiting for something to be terribly wrong with Baby Girl to make up for everything going so smoothly. I wish there was a wonderful way to share all my excitement and thoughts and worries while being sensitive to those for whom this topic is so tender and gut-wrenching.
I guess all I can say is: I see you. I love you. I suppose that’s all any of us want–to be seen, and loved.
Celebrate the love in your life with winter mini sessions–I’m filling up my February and March calendar so I can do all kinds of baby-snugglin’ in April and May. If you’re interested in a mini session, spots are limited, so let’s talk!
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